深圳翻译公司
Is fear of being single keeping you in a bad relationship? Are you finding it hard to face life on your own? Then take strength from this.
是否单身的恐惧让你的人际关系糟糕透顶？是否独自面对的生活让你觉得举步维艰？那就从这里汲取力量吧！
Being single after years of being part of a couple is often a frightening prospect. Whether it’s your decision to break up or not, it changes everything about who you are and who you thought you were. Friends suddenly disappear, people look at you in a different light and you need to rely on your inner reserve of energy and determination to get you through.
相濡以沫多年的伴侣一旦分手，迎接他们的往往是令人窒息的恐惧。无论是谁先提出分手，一切都将发生改变。你将变得不再是你，甚至都怀疑起以前的自己。朋友仿佛瞬间都消失了，人们都戴着有色眼镜看你。而你则需要凭借你内心残存的一点点力量和决心去帮助你度过时艰。
If you’ve suddenly been dumped, you’ll have had a picture in your mind of how your life was going to be and, when it all comes crashing down, you either sink or swim. Be determined to swim and you could discover a whole new you.如果你突然被人抛弃，你一定会在脑海里想象未来的生活将会变成什么样子，然而，当这一切如洪水般从天而降，您所能做的，就是要么沉入水底葬身鱼腹，要么奋力拼搏去击水中流。只有下定决心去乘风破浪，你就一定能找到一个全新的自己。
Isobel came to see me after having been through a break up with her partner. The split had been her decision and she knew that being on her own was the healthier option, but it meant she was entering a completely new world. Isobel had never really been single, she’d always had someone to go places with and felt very odd about suddenly having to do everything on her own.伊莎贝尔和她的情人分手后来找我。分手是她自己做出的决定，而且她也知道这对她来说是个更加良性的选择，但这也同时意味着她进入了一个全新的世界。伊莎贝尔从来没有经历过真正的单身生活，一直以来无论她走到哪里都有人左右相随，而现在突然什么都要自己做，总觉得自己形单影只、孤苦伶仃。
Determined to structure a new life for herself, she started with her biggest fear, walking into a bar on her own. We talked about the best way to conquer her fear and she decided to tackle it head on. There was a brand new wine bar that had opened not far from her house and she said she’d love to go there, so she did, on her own. Armed with a glossy magazine for security, Isobel got dressed up, walked into the wine bar and sat and ate a bowl of strawberries with a glass of champagne – now that’s what I call overcoming a fear with style! Well, it worked. No one really took much notice of her and she certainly didn’t feel as if she was being stared at. She didn’t feel like she hadn’t got any friends and she didn’t feel as though she’d been stood up. That day made a massive difference to Isobel’s confidence because she realized that she was perfectly capable of building herself a new life alone.伊莎贝尔决心为自己构建一个全新的生活。带着巨大的恐惧，她一个人走进一家酒吧，和我探讨如何克服她心中恐惧的最佳办法。她决定昂起头来直对恐惧、迎难而上。在她家不远处新开了一家酒吧，她说她很喜欢去那里，于是她就一个人去了。伊莎贝尔打扮好，捧了本时尚杂志作掩护，走进酒吧坐了下来，就着杯香槟嚼着一碗草莓——现在我称之为“通过行为方式克服恐惧”。还不错，这方法奏效了。没有人会真正注意她的存在，她自然也就不觉得总是被人盯着了。她不觉得像是没有任何朋友的样子，也不觉得像是被人放了鸽子。那天的体验使伊莎贝拉的自信心得到了极大地改观。因为她意识到她完全有能力去独自建立自己的新生活。
One of my other clients, Cara, spoke to me a few months ago. After being in a marriage for over ten years, she found herself on her own having to bring up three children. She told me that there was always so much noise in the house that she would have to shout to be heard above the children to try to get them to calm down and be nice to each other. Minutes later, the house would be in uproar again until she couldn’t take any more and ended up in tears. Of course, every time Cara cried, the children felt awful and a dreadful sense of sadness filled the house, leaving her feeling like a bad mother who had no control over her kids. With no one at home to back her up, we needed to get Cara to regroup her family and feel in control again. We spoke about two ways of achieving her objective.我的另一个客户卡拉，几个月前对我讲述了她的痛苦。在经历了十多年的婚姻生活后，她发现自己不得不独自抚养三个孩子。她告诉我家里总是吵闹喧天，以至于她只能更大声地冲孩子们喊来试图让他们安静下来，彼此和睦相处。可是几分钟后，家里又会恢复喧闹，直到她无计可施，以泪收场。当然，卡拉每每落泪，孩子们都感觉非常糟糕，一种令人窒息的悲伤充满整座房子，让她觉得自己是个连自个儿孩子都管不了的糟糕母亲。因为家里没有人支持她，我们需要帮助卡拉重整家庭，重新找回“一切尽在掌握”的感觉。我们谈了两种实现她目标方法。
The first was to come up with a pre-agreed physical signal for Cara’s children to react to when they got too noisy and started fighting. Instead of standing at their bedroom door and shouting over their noise, Cara agreed to stand there and just raise her arm. This would be the children’s new sign that they were going too far and that they needed to calm down. She decided to use it as a warning before she got to the stage of shouting or crying and agreed to sit down and talk this through with them.第一种方法是为孩子们设计一个预先约定的动作信号，当他们吵得太凶或者开始打起来的时候用作回应。卡拉同意在他们房门前只是做一个抬起手臂的动作，用以替代需要盖过他们吵闹声的大声斥责。这将成为传递给孩子们的一个新信号，表示他们太过分了需要收敛一点儿。她决定坐下来和孩子们谈一谈，把它作为她大声斥责或哭泣前的一个警告。
The second way of regrouping the family was for Cara to come up with a set of family s with her children. You’ve already read about how your personal s can help you focus on your direction. Well, by asking the children to come up with their own set of s to live by they were, in effect, creating for themselves a set of rules to follow. Most families have s, but they don’t necessarily spell them out. Cara agreed to sit down with here children and come up with the s that meant a lot to them. When they had their top three, Cara would get the children to create a poster to put up in the kitchen where everyone could see them.
我给卡拉的第二种重整家庭的方法是和孩子们制定一套家庭价值观念。你一定知道你的个人价值观念如何能够帮助你专注于你的人生方向。那么，通过询问孩子们，建立一套他们自己的价值观念，让他们遵照执行，也就是说，让他们为自己建立一套规矩去遵守。很多家庭都有一套价值观念，但不一定非要说出来。卡拉愿意坐下来和孩子们商定这份对他们来说意义重大的价值观念。只要能达成个子丑寅卯，卡拉就让孩子们做一张海报贴在厨房每个人都可以看到的地方。
When the children were rude to each other and started to get out of control, instead of telling them off, Cara agreed to ask them if they were respecting their family s. She felt that here children were old enough to start respecting other people’s s and was very eager to teach her children this new exercise.
卡拉表示同意当孩子们彼此变得无礼并开始失控的时候，不去斥责他们，而要去问他们是否遵守了他们的家庭价值观念。她觉得她的孩子已经足够大了，该开始遵守他人的价值观念了，而且她也非常渴望教她的孩子这项新的训练内容。
Finding yourself with the sole responsibility of children and bills is frightening. It’s about becoming independent, not relying on others for lifts, money or favours. It’s about standing on your own two feet and trusting that you’ll make it. Cara needed to redefine not only who she was as a woman but who and what her family stood for.
发现自己需要一个人去承担抚养孩子和应付账单的责任是件令人恐惧的事情。你得变得独立自主，不依靠别人的提携、钱财或是恩惠。你得学会自力更生，相信自己一定能够克服困难、渡过难关。作为一个女人，卡拉需要去重新定义的，不仅包括她是谁，更重要的，是她的家庭代表谁、代表什么。
Like Cara, after years spent being part of a couple, Isobel had to recreate her own identity. She changed the way she dressed, she redecorated her house in the colours she loved, she changed the locks on the front door and she always made her own way to places so she could leave when she wanted. Isobel started to feel in control of her new life, as did Cara.
像卡拉一样，经过多年的婚姻生活，伊莎贝尔不得不重新确立自己的身份。她变换了自己的穿衣风格，用她喜欢的颜色重新装修了房屋，更换了大门的锁，按照自己的方式外出，想什么时候走就什么时候走。伊莎贝尔感觉自己的新生活开始“尽在掌握”，卡拉也一样。
Even something as small as changing the message on the answer phone is a very positive start. Big lessons are learnt where two becomes one: the pain fades, a new life emerges and the very best revenge is success, so have a little faith in yourself, you’ll be just fine.
哪怕是像更换录音电话[1]留言这样的小事情也是一个非常积极的开始。当痛苦渐渐弥散，新的生活隐约浮现，两者最终合二为一，你就完成了人生重要的一课。俗话说，成功是最好的复仇方式，所以，对自己充满信心吧，你会好起来的！
